Insane in the gem game
After proposing to my fiance Ash on Halloween I marvel that anyone is able to go through with the whole ordeal.
I’m referring to the preparation, of course, not the actual proposing, which was a breeze. (Hey, I can drop to one knee and snap open a tiny box as well as the next guy.)
No, what I’m referring to is the selection of a ring.
I had wanted to propose for quite some time, but I wanted to do it right. (No empty boxes or trips to the local vending machine for a plastic ring that I’d swear I’d replace later for me.)
I didn’t go into the experience completely doe-eyed. I expected a certain amount of anxiety to be associated with the purchase. After all, you’re picking our a piece of jewelry for someone else which they (hopefully) will be wearing for long, long time.
I also didn’t have many requirements for the ring before I set out, but I did know I wanted it to be:
a) New. (I know there’s probably nothing technically wrong with getting an estate piece, and I’m not generally a superstitious person, but who knows what terrible circumstances led to the eventual availability of that used engagement ring in the window?)
b) Gold. (I’ve always liked the way gold looks and I find it fascinating when flakes of it are placed in high-end food and liquor, the latter of which my college roomate and I would buy often just for novelty of it. I mean, you’re ingesting a precious metal. Crazy.)
c) Diamond. (Pretty standard, really.)
After embarking on my quest I found that even these requests came with their own set of problems:
1) Brand new jewlery in general is not as cheap as its “gently used” bretheren.
2) Some people apparently have an allergy to gold. (Fortunately, after some research I determined that this actually a nickel allergy and is usually found in less-than-pure gold, “usually in the alloy rich 9-carat gold,” according to a Web site called Corrosion Doctors.)
3) Diamonds are also a little more pricey than their fake counterparts and certified blood-free diamonds cost even more. Also, disturbingly enough, while researching diamonds I found out that you can have your loved ones cremated an made into wearable versions of the precious stones.
“A company called LifeGem has come up with a unique twist on diamond creation,” stated a portion of a disturbing article I found on the Web site About.com. “They create gemstones from carbon that's captured during the cremation of human remains. It’s not a process that will appeal to everyone, but the company is finding that an increasing number of people opt in to the program in order to leave family members a lasting memento, one that's beautiful and one they can wear all the time.”
Yuck city. (Just one more reason not buy estate jewelry.)
After reconciling my base requirements I started looking at design. And that’s the real fun started. (And when I say fun, I mean not fun.)
I’m fairly low-key and traditional when it comes to jewlery design in general, so I thought finding a simple, classic engagement ring would be no sweat. (Wrong.)
Apparently, not satisfied with the old-fashioned solitary-diamond-on-top-of-a-shiny-ring-idea, I have determined that at some point during the last few years the jewlery industry handed their research and development department over to either a) a third grade classroom or b) your local mental institution.
As I gazed helplessly through the glass I saw row after row of leaping dolphins with gemstones in their beaks give way to gold bracelets that were connected by a gold chain to their ringed counterparts.
And this wasn’t just the cheap rings. Take industry leader Cartier, for example. If you go to their Web site, the first collection of rings that pops up on their “Jewelry” menu is the “Panthere de Cartier.” One screen later you’re staring down a piece of jewelry in the shape of a decapitated, jeweled panther head with a hole in the mouth to deposit the owner’s finger. I also like how they won’t tell you the price unless you ask. All you can do is add it to your “Wish List.” (Cartier is basically saying, “Yeah, you just wish you could afford a sparkly jungle cat head eating your finger ring.”)
After recovering my senses and my wallet I finally found a gold diamond engagement ring that is actually quite shiney in the correct lighting. (It actually looks really good at the supermarket for some reason.)
So now on to planning the wedding. I don’t know much about the details of the arrangement this event, but there’s not really much stress involved with that, right?